A Year Ago

So I have been thinking about this post for about a week now and just couldn't bring myself to start on it. This is your warning--if you are a sap; don't read it!!! But I think for me it will be good, a sense of therapy to put to words what I have been feeling.
About a year ago, my family got some news that would change our lives Forever. We didn't know on that fall day what would unfold. It was a normal September day--bright, sunny, smell of leaves in the air, warm yet brisk at the same time. This weather has had me in a funk all week long; or maybe it is the simple fact that I remember what I was doing exalty a year ago this week.

Dylan, my cousin's little boy who just started kindergarten had been having headaches on and off all summer. Doctors were at odds over what could be causing them. Some doctors thought it was an effect of a broken leg he had earlier (maybe the good leg and bad leg were growing differently causing pressure on his spine, hence a headache could occur.) Sara, my cousin had Dylan at the ER several times and each time there was a different story as to what could be causing it. One doc wanted Sara to take Pickle to an orthopedic surgeon to have his good leg "medically broke" and see if that would help with the headaches. Now Sara was never fond of this idea.
I remeber the tone in her voice when she called me that day. She felt like she was banging her head against a brick wall. She knew something was wrong; HORRIBLY WRONG.
She asked what she should do. Sara had noticed something different about Dylan. His gait was off. Why would a normal five year old start to fall down and become clumsy? Why is his speech sounding like that of a toddler and not that of a boy who just started kindergarten? The only thing I could think of was to continue to go the doctor daily until they took her for her word and looked for the true cause.
The next day she followed my advice and took him to his pediatrician this time. Dr. Kreilien, some may not like her personally, but no parent can deny she is an awesome physician. She recommended Dylan be taken back to the ER and have an MRI done to see what is going on inside him. Nobody was prepared for what they said.

Dylan has a mass on his brain. Immediately they load him up in an ambulance and have him on his way to Riley in Indy. Sara is calling family members from the back of the ambulance and telling them what is happening. Immediate family rush up there to be with Sara and Dylan as they run more tests. Others stay back to man the homefront. That evening and the next day was filled with more tests; MRI's (all kinds), CT Scans, Sedations, PIC Lines, Port A Cath's. It was pure madness.
We got the news....
Dylan has a tumor!!!!!!

A what? A tumor--who does a child get a tumor, is it cancer, where is it, what are they gonna do??? All of these thoughts run through my mind. Not Dylan. He is healthy. He is fine. Nobody in the family has a history of anything like this. I remember the call. Mom and I had been out to lunch that afternoon and I was dropping her off when her cell rang. It was Susie (mom's sister, my aunt, Sara's mom, Dylan's grandma) We were sittng there in front of Mom's house still in the car and I could tell by the way Mom was reacting that it was something serious. She folds her phone up and turns to look at me......
The tumor is in Pickle's brain stem, they can NOT touch it or he could bleed out on the table or be a vegatative state for the remainder of his being.
I tell Mom, "Pack your bags, we are going up. Be ready in an hour, I have to pick up the kids from school and call Jess and see if she wants to go with us."
In a total whirlwind I get the kids, go home, wake Bart and tell him what is happening. It was so unreal. I mean while I am driving across town to get the kids my mind is racing like a hundred miles an hour, I literally do not remember a thing from Mom's house to my house. I walk in sit on the bed next to Bart and tell him, "Mom and I are headed to Indy. They found a tumor in Dylan's brain and they can not operate. Sara needs me." I literally throw Bart a schedule of the kids happenings for the next few days and start packing my suitcase.
"Do you know where the hospital is? Where are you gonna stay? Is you cell charged? Don't forget to get gas......" These are all things Bart was saying to me as I was throwing clothes together. "I DON'T KNOW!!!" I yell back at him. "But what I do know that is if I am meant to be there I will make it. I am Dylan's god mother and I am will be there for him!" So he prints me directions, calls into work for the next few days and graciously gives me his blessing to go.
I was out the door.
PHONE-CHECK
PURSE WITH MONEY-CHECK
DIRECTIONS-CHECK
MOMMA-CHECK
GAS-CHECK
Anything else could have waited.

We get into Indy about 730 in the evening and were greeted by my aunt who completly looses it when she sees us. You see; Me, Mom and Susie travel in packs when someone is sick. It has always been that way. So it was just a given that it would remain. We check in with the nurses on the ICU floor,wash our hands and walk in to Dylan's room.
And like I said---There is nothing wrong with Dylan. He looks normal. Has good color. He is eating a McFlury from the McD's downstairs. He is playing PS in his room. Remind me again; What is wrong with him???

We stay for a few days, check into Ronald McDonald House right across from the hospital with Dylan's grandma and sister.
And still it hasn't sank in. We sit on the curb and crack jokes. We laugh at Elizabeth for misbehaving. We complain about the poor choices we have in drinks from the drink machines.
Then we have a meeting with Dylan's nureosurgeon.
Dr. Smith reitterates, "This type of brain tumor is fatal. There is no cure for it. We can treat it with chemo and radiation, but you must prepare for how that will take a toll on such a small body. But this will NEVER go away. There is no real cause for it--it just happens. We typically see a child fight for 6-12 months before the tumor takes over." That was the jistd of her talk with family.
By this point I must return home. It was a Thursday now and I had to spend some time with my kids. I drive home, just me and my sis and make it back to Jasper to pick up the kids from school.
We make plans to go back on Saturday, just me and Bart. I managed to buy my grandma a plane ticket to Indy so she can be here and we have to pick her up at 1030 am saturday morning at the airport. We visit, play with Dylan, check on everyone and it is soon time to get back to Jasper. Sara asks me if I will take Elizabeth until further notice. Elizabeth is a handful, but where else should she be right now if she can't be with her momma. So we bring her back home with us so she can continue to go to school. I got wonderful help from a friend of mine to take my kids to and from school so I can drive to Petersburg two times a day to make sure Elizabeth's schedule stays as normal as possible.
The following week Dylan gets to come home. Elizabeth and I had spent countless hours sanitizing, sterilizing, rearranging the house for Dylan's return. We got crafty and made rainbows, shooting stars, clouds and sun to decorate his room with. We organized all his toys and made his room accessible for visitors and night time care Sara would have to provide. We washed up all the laundry and left sticky notes with encouraging little tid bits all around the hosue. On the microwave door, under the remote, on Sara's pillow, on the mirrors and my personal favorite was on the wall directly in front of the toilet. I got a call a few weeks later from Sara. She asked if they had found them all b/c Kelly (Sara's fiance) cries everytime he sees a new one. I guess I had accomplished my goal. Not to bring anyone to tears; but to bring them to a spot where they can undertand what is happening and despite all the heartache that comes with this new life they have been given comes a silver linning.


I am going to leave this for now and get to more tomorrow. This is draining, emotionally and physically for me to write. I can talk about it all day long but to have to cover so much on paper (or should I say on screen) is different. Check back for Dylan's fight and the awesome support he got from the community and how a small child can change many, many lives.
Good night and go kiss your kids on the forehead as the sleep, you never know what news you may get tomorrow.